Not so lazy Sunday afternoon

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Afternoon at the park.

Afternoon at the park.

Being out feels good after the long harsh winter. The Winter this year was pretty bad, and long and grey and dark and gloomy and was spent lazily procrastinating working out, updating my blog, and being active and being happy. So this week the plan was to go camping( did not happen), cut my hair( did not happen), touch up the cat’s tree (did not happen).  But what did happen was we went out for a long walk in the park, booked cabins for coming weekend( we will finally go camping), baked bread, cleaned out the closet and donated  a bagful of clothes. I have  heard this from many and I am no exception, the closet will always be full of clothes but all I see in it  is a few that I wear like uniform to my work (and everywhere else). So I  pulled out all the ones that I had not used for the last year or more and the ones I don’t know why I bought int he first place. It was hard but at the end I now have a clean closet, and space to buy some more clothes that I might actually wear. So definitely not a lazy Sunday afternoon for me.

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Not so much for my cat!

 

 

 

 

Late night ramblings

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Today I read old emails and blog posts and now I feel embarrassed, humiliated, energized, depressed, happy and sad all at the same time (yes it is possible!). When I look back, my life has changed in a single day, sometimes because of a single word and many a times because of my silence. There’s lots of regrets, frustrations, and anger  and at times I wish I could change that day, change what I said and wished I had said something. At this point in my life I believe the biggest mistake a person can make is to not believe in change. Change in emotion, feeling and opinion. And the second biggest mistake is to live in anger and frustration that follows. I am too far to correct the first but am trying my best not to make the second. I hope in years when I am where I want to be and need to be I will look back into my life again through emails and blog posts and Facebook and realize the mistakes I made, made me and that my friends were there to help me along the way. 

Grown up me

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I feel I am growing up. I feel I am in control of situations (mostly), much calmer, diplomatic, and getting wiser .I literally get bursts of wisdom lately. Now I get it what it means to be mature and wise. Well I never thought I was otherwise but now I really think I am there, I am a grown up!! life’s been one predicament after another, but I have overcome most of it stronger though never unscathed. And I am not complaining now, those pain ,embarrassment and scars had to happen for me to get here. Today I am happy 🙂

What is this life if full of care

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It’s been busy today and the way things are going might take couple more hours before I can call it a day. But busy is good right?well I like being busy than being bored but then WH Davies poem leisure keeps coming to mind today

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare……..
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night………A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Is it me?

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I admit my phone manners are bad.How bad?Well I tend not to answer my phone even though I see it ringing.No its not necessarily because of my dislike for the person calling me, it rarely is because I seldom get calls from anyone else than my close friends and family. So why you’d think. it is because I only get calls from close friend and family I end up talking to them for like hours , literally hours!!So I don’t answer their calls if I think I don’t have few hours to expend. And I secretly prided myself thinking I must be a hell of a good conversationist! But all that came to an end yesterday.I got a call from a friend  and we talked for about a hour and a half.Our conversation ended when she told me that I should probably be getting late for bed.I wasn’t, it was just 9:30.Then I realized it be about time she went to bed as she is in the east coast and an hour ahead of me.So I hung up the phone and called back another friend whose call I had {missed} earlier.So we talked for about another  hour and a half and he tells me its time for him to cook dinner.Okay at around 11PM! Well he simply might be used to having late dinner but it really set me thinking was it me?Am I the reason only my close friends call me?Am I the reason people suggest me to go  to bed at 9:30 PM or start cooking their dinner at 11PM? Well I have been  trying to  recover from my recent realization since yesterday night.So what did I do today?Skyped  for about 3 hrs with a very close friend until her internet started to drop out really frequently!! Oh there is another reason why I should get a job.Really soon!!

Love trumps all

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For quiet a while now, I have found my view on love and money change.Growing up a hopeless romantic the last few years of uncertainty and hardship kind of brought me down to reality and in real world it seemed love is just an illusion, people eat, drink, think, and marry money, success.And for a while there I believed I was wrong and that I had in the name of love made some poor choices.But not today, I know I was right all the way and was just being foolish to ever doubt the value of love. I now understand how when one reaches the absolute bottom is when one finds out what really matters and now as I lay here totally defeated, battered and tired I can still say I am hopeful and that is all because of love.

Would you go on TV to share your personal problems?

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One thing about being unemployed is you get to watch tv series you’d never have watched before.And that’s exactly what I have been doing nowadays.I watched Anderson Cooper yesterday am watching Dr.Drew today. Watching people discuss their personal life so openly, so publicly just amazes me. I hope all these is sending some message out there, helping someone deal with their situation but still I just can not think about going so public about my personal stuff, heck I cannot even think about talking about such personal stuff with my close friends. And just to make sure I am not saying I would keep quiet if anything bad happens to me, I would seek help, and if any one comes to me to for help in such condition I’d definetly help as much as I could, but hey I don’t want the world to know who I choose to be with, if I cheated on my innocent husband, if I need my husband to do better in bed, oh I surely don’t want people to analyze , criticise or even acccept or approve my love or sex life!

Plastic Surgery

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Dr.Drew on my TV talking aout plastic surgery.This lady has done more than 100 surgeries on her and doesn’t find anything wrong with it. I don’t either! why do we care so much about these trivial personal cases??Okay not trivial 100 plastic surgeries are not that by any means but isn’t that her own decision?Who are we to decide what is good for her? She is not going after strangers with a scalpel in her hand, for god’s sake.I agree its not a healthy thing to do but its her life her money, her body. I would have some surgeries on myself if I had the money.

Summit

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I have been dreaming of Summit for the past couple nights now. Whenever I have his dreams it feels strange, it makes me happy, a bit sad but I feel loved the most. I know it sounds crazy coming from a girl who loves her husband as much as I do and it makes me feel guilty but at the same time I can’t lie to myself. When Summit was in the hospital I had debated so much whether or not to let him know how I used to feel about him.I was in a steady relationship then and anyways what I had for Summit was so much in the past we were kids then and I doubt if Summit ever even saw me the way I wanted him to see me. Back then I thought I was in love with him. Nothing happened and I thought so about many other guys well a couple more. But first love or not ,I still think what I had for Summit is special. I don’t want my life now to be any different but I wish things with Summit were a bit different. I don’t know what I am wishing for here but I’d be much happier if I had known him more closely.i don’t know if spirits can hear or read our thoughts but for now I want them to and if you are hearing this Summit I miss you, all of your friends do.